Thank You and Good Night!

It's that time of year. Time to think about my life (as though I don't spend all my time thinking (and writing) about me and my life.) Time to reflect on the past year, consider which New Year's Resolution I will be breaking in about six weeks, and start hunting for a dress to wear to Grandma's on Christmas that will NOT be deemed "sexy" by a creepy relative. Time to start making lists (again, as though my OCD doesn't compel me to do that all year long). Lists of things to do, things I want, things I will have to give other people so that they will give me things I want in return (Hey rich big brother! I'm getting you a fabulous-but-within-my-means Christmas gift this year! Please reciprocate with something that costs the same percentage of your yearly income, not the same dollar amount! Love you!)

So before all that starts, let me take a moment to let my inner good-person-ness make a brief appearance with a list of things I am thankful for this year.

My job: I know I whine and moan about it alot, and the fact of the matter is that my boss is capital C-razy, but all in all, a huge step up from last year. I loved being able to tell people where I worked last year, loved the name recognition and the status that came with a position in that organization, but never, at any time, did I truly enjoy the work I was doing. In fact, mostly it just made me miserable. I thought that I would be the kind of person who thrives on 80 hour work weeks, but they just became an excuse, a crutch, to both explain and avoid the mess that was the rest of my life. I ruined relationships, threatened my health, and came dangerously close to losing my fragile mental and emotional stability, and the more I blamed my job for my overall unhappiness, the more I took refuge in it. If I could only work a little harder, be a little more successful, everything else would take care of itself. It never happened, and I'm thankful that I finally woke up and saw what I was doing to myself. I'm thankful that once I decided to make a change, everything fell into place. The way the economy is going now, I'm glad I made this realization when I did, because waiting even just a few more months could have been disastrous.

My apartment: Good heavens, I love my apartment. Yes it's tiny, and rather dark, and has terrible public transport links. But the fact of the matter is, it's on a respectable, middle-class block, is safe and convenient to work, has responsible and conscientious landlords, and is in my price range. You can't ask for any more than that in the city. Sure, I dream of someday having Monica's apartment in the Village, but for now, I'm just happy to be free from wacko roommates and creepy Howard's management company.

My city: I'm thankful to have the chance to live in a great city while I'm young and independent. Yes, it's been harder than I'd anticipated (see above re: my job) and there have been times I've considered packing it all in and going back to the midwest. As I've grown up, I can even see myself doing that someday. But in so many ways it's what I've always dreamed of. Always the drama, the options, the entertainment, always something going on that is not happening anywhere else on earth. It's staggering, overwhelming, amazing. The city is a sensory overload but once its ingrained in your heart it's hard to get rid of. And why would you want to? This frenzied, pulsating beat of glitz and glamour and LIFE around every corner... it's exhilirating. It's mesmerizing. And I'm a part of that. And I'm glad.

My family: Yes, they drive me crazy. Yes, they have their quirks and their issues and their sometimes downright irritating nature. But they're also sweet, and generous, and I do believe that somewhere deep down, they care about me and I care about them, even though we will probably never really understand each other. And maybe that's okay.

My friends: I'm thankful for the widening circle of friends I'm building in the city. The few friends from home who've journeyed east along with me. The co-workers-turned-friends who helped me survive my old job and the new ones who make my current job much more fun. I'm excited to have reconnected with old friends from college who've moved to the city over the last year. My undying gratitude belongs to to my inner circle of college roommates who've seen me through a variety of physical and emotional trials this year, and have never give up. They still call, they still visit, they still care, no matter how bad things got. They are my rocks.

And I guess more than anything, as I reflect, I'm thankful for one important detail. I'm thankful that MY LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE. Because if it were, it would have to be nearing completion. Surely I've lived two hours worth of entertainment in the last few years. But, baby, believe me, the adventures have only just begun.