There's a reason I'm not an alcoholic, and it's nothing to do with strength or genetics or disease. The reason I'm not an alcoholic is simple: I'm a pessimist.
For me, the champagne flute is always half-empty.
I sometimes think about how very, very easy it would be for me to fall into the arms of my dear old friend gin, especially these days. With a job like mine, where I work minimum 80 hour weeks, plus weekends, who could blame me for using alcohol to help make the most of my precious few leisure hours? I don't much of a social life. What weekend nights I don't spend at the office, I more often spend with my sofa and my Dawson's Creek DVDs and sometimes a bottle of cabernet sauvignon. Sure my salary holds me back somewhat (that cabernet sauvignon more likely than not cost $3.99 at Trader Joe's.) But when I look at my life, I realize how easy it would be to succumb to the sweet succor of hard liquor.
But I don't. I won't let myself. And the reason is this: I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that rock-bottom is never rock-bottom. I know that my life will probably get worse in the future. Once I succumb to alcoholism, eventually, I'll have to get sober. And when that happens, I'll lose alcohol as a coping mechanism. I won't be able to ever drink again, no matter how awful my life gets.
Post-alcoholism, I'd have to actually face life. It's not that I avoid life now. I'm actually pretty good at facing my problems head on and eyes open. It's just that I know, in the back of my mind, I can drink alcohol, it will help me forget for a little while, and I might just get a few minutes of blissful ignorance. And I know that, should I ever find myself in a situation where even my cynical and pessimistic self believes that I cannot fall any lower, I can turn to alcohol to avoid my life. But you only get that option once, and I choose to be strategic in how I use it. I'm keepng it in my pocket, a backup for a moment in life that I hope I never come to.
No matter how bad it is, it can always, always get worse.
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